11:36 The only film filmed entirely in Los Angeles. Feeling the hometown pride. This producer is channelling Peter Lorre right now. Am I right??? The face, the voice? Am I in the The Maltese Falcon??? Nope, that was the worst pronunciation of Hazanavicius. I spoke too soon with Michael Douglas. Ah there we go, giving Berenice her due. And some Billy Wilder love. On that note, we're out!!!
11:32 Tom Cruise looks amazing and giving me a little Taylor Lautner up there. Jesus "Xenu" Christ the man won't age. He still scares me though. Here comes the big one....BEST PICTURE......goes to........THE ARTIST.
11:30 The room is freaking out! "But whatever!" Best line of the night. No America is obsessed with you and don't doubt it for a second. Husband first. Like it, so true. She's been to one of these before. Hats off to her hair and makeup man. Reminding me of Sutton Foster at the Tony's. "I see my life before my eyes." Sandy Bullock is going to sob she is so happy for Meryl. Meryl Streep is the epitome of grace. I'm so happy for her, even if it is at Viola's expense.
11:24 Colin's turn to spread some love to the ladies. Pulls a King George with an early stutter talking about Glenn Coco. Who is so androgynous. Well cast. Viola is always breathtaking. Deranged Shirley Temple/Emma Stone strikes again. Rooney giggles. It is a Kristen Wiig as Bjork giggle. Meryl. Mamma Mia shout out. Everyone would be happy if Colin Firth were gay. Well, me most of all. Meryl is in tears as if this is her first nomination. Could not love her more. Michelle Williams was fantastic, just remembering that. BEST ACTRESS goes to MERYL STREEP for THE IRON LADY. Shocker. Completely unsarcastically. I am surprised. Viola Davis is the best sport in the world and looks so genuinely excited.
11:22 Best performance in a commercial goes to Ellen. She's worn me down with her time traveling antics.
11:13 Nat Po presenting Best Actor. Bling it on. Lovin the necklace. Bichir lookin good. Wanna see his movie. Clooney's been here before. Looking pretty calm. Jean Dujardin is NERVOUS. It's his to lose. Really? This is Gary Oldman's first nom? Wait is that the guy from Sherlock in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy??? BEST ACTOR goes to JEAN DUJARDIN. He is so relieved. Those blessed eyebrows. He loves Amurrrica! Now we're allowed to like him. Another shot to the loge band. Was that A.R. Rahman yodeling? Jai Ho!
11:10 "I don't get to see enough of myself" - Gabourey Sidibe. BUY A MIRROR! Ed Norton is giving us gravitas. SO MUCH GRAVITAS right now. Too much gravitas. Stop being so serious with this montage. This is not life or death. Let's get some perspective. Thank you Billy Crystal for the perspective.
11:03 Here we go with the In Memoriam. Oscar lost some of its own this year. Sad about Gil Cates. Is that Esperanza Spalding singing? Why won't she open her eyes? Whitney. Sad. Shame on people who are cynical about the In Memoriam montage. It's moving. Just realized Liz did die just after last years Oscars. She wins the in memoriam pageant for the coveted last slot position.
10:59 Worst Sound Editing goes to the Oscars tonight. Has everyone been hearing that feedback ALL NIGHT??? Oprah yelling at Jimmy Kimmel with curlers in her hair in the JKL promo juxtaposed with her classy Oscar win. Still ubiquitous.
10:57 Oprah gets an Oscar. And James Earl Jones. Those were more moving clips than anything that's happened tonight.
10:55 Meryl Streep does deserve an Oscar for best consistent acting during other people's wins. But I honestly think even Meryl is rooting for Viola tonight.
10:53 Is that all the loving he's going to give to Berenice his wife? Michel jumping on the bandwagon with the Uggie backlash http://blogs.indiewire.com/carynjames/dog-wars-scorsese-defends-blackie.
10:50 Creepy music for Michael Douglas. Are we already at Best Director? I guess so. Scorsese or Hazanavicius? Worst pronunciation of Hazanavicius goes to Michel Douglas. BEST DIRECTOR goes to MICHEL HAZANAVICIUS.
10:47 I love the concessions ladies. Is anyone actually purchasing anything from them? I wanna see Plummer munching on some popcorn. I bet those girls are cleaning up tip-wise.
10:45 Elie Kemper! Princeton representing! Go Tigers! BEST ANIMATED SHORT goest to THE FANTASTIC FLYING BOOKS. The voice over is getting a little sassy. Nearly killed them making this film? Calm down voice over woman. Swamp rats for the win! And back to the swamp with them. Again these guys prove that the most boring awards have the coolest winners.
10:44 Sandra is moved. Not only is she Germany's/America's/China's sweetheart, she is also Pakistan's sweetheart.
10:41 Rose Byrne could stand to lose a few pounds. Yes, we are now playing the Scorsese drinking game in my house. I thought it was going to be the night of the Weinstein drinking game but Byrne and McCarthy knew it was Scorsese's night. BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE goes to SAVING FACE.
10:39 The Bridesmaids ladies killing it. PENISES! Best title goes to to Tuba Atlantic. But the Oscar for best DOCUMENTARY SHORT goes to THE SHORE. The Academy has always been a sucker for crabs down the pants. His daughter produced. This is so incestuous.
10:37 Milla Jovovich is so honored to be presenting and is taking this SO seriously. Every year they get some crazy hot fanboy wet dream to present the technical Oscar awards. I guess they know their audience.
10:30 Favorite movies montage. Reese, do not feel ashamed of Overboard. It is wonderful. Gabourey Sidibe would be obsessed with My Left Foot (which wins my personal award for longest netflix movie kept unwatched and then sent back sheepishly...still unwatched).
10:29 Best pronunciation of Hazanavicius goes to Tina Fey over Angelina. BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY goes to Woody Allen MIDNIGHT IN PARIS. No Woody.
10:26 BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY goes to THE DESCENDANTS. Melissa McCarthy is so excited. Groundlings alums for the win! One of these guys is doing the Angelina stance. Well played! "Stop the counter!" Yeah! That was comedy in service of the show and doesn't count as speech time! Every mother wishes they had Javier Bardem as a son.
10:24 Does Angelina have a dragon tattoo? Angelina giving us leg and stuttered lines.
10:19 Yay for Disney making "movies with songs in them." Translation: musicals.
10:17 Zac and Will being silly. The Academy will never live down "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp." Only 2 nominees. This is awkward. Cymbals shenanigans. BEST ORIGINAL SONG goes to MAN OR MUPPET from THE MUPPETS.
10:12 That's some big sheet music. BEST SCORE goes to THE ARTIST. I love that the first thing the voice over lets us know is that this composer has no training. He is completely unqualified. Good to know anyone can score a film. He is geeking out over John Williams! That's cute. He's got so much love to give.
10:10 Boring Academy guy. Reminds me of the pointless HFPA woman coming out during the Golden Globes. Billy calls him out on it! It was soooo worth it now! Just for that joke.
10:08 The old tell you what they're thinking gag. Morgan Freeman would go through dialogue from past films. The moment where Viola figures out Billy's doing her speech, priceless. Aaaa Nick Nolte. Uggie made it!
9:59 No F-bomb from Melissa Leo? This is so disappointing. Hoots and hollers for Jonah Hill. His mom cleaned up for this! I did a production of Sound of Music with Jonah's little sister, Beanie. She was Gretl, I was Friedrich. And Beanie's mom was a crazy stage mom. And there she is in all her Mama Rose glory. Speaking of Sound of Music, Christopher Plummer wins BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR for BEGINNERS. Yay Captain Von Trapp!!! Oldest Oscar winner! Max Von Sydow loses and he still has to stand. That's rough. Plummer is the real deal. That's how you give a speech.
9:52 Melissa McCarthy leg gag. Simple yet effective. Emma Stone is milking this. She is doing her best Kristen Wiig. Gets in a dig at Ben Stiller's Avatar presenting bit. The guy nominated for Real Steel seems like he was contractually obligated to say the word "real" a zillion times. We get it. The steel is real. VISUAL EFFECTS go to HUGO. How many is that now? 5 golden statues.
9:47 BEST ANIMATED FILM goes to RANGO. Speech. He's got a good looking wife then does an Uggie trying to find his way out (that's when you do a 360 chasing your tail). Did the voice over just pronounce France Fraaaahhhhnce?
9:44 Another Harvey Weinstein shout out. Not only a playoff for these guys, they turn off the mics! Ouch. Chris Rock loves doing this. And the audience loves it.
9:40 Gwyneth and RDJ are committing. They are sadly getting no love. The crowd goes wild for Cirque and won't give these two a giggle? Come on. BEST DOCUMENTARY goes to UNDEFEATED.
9:35 Cirque du Soleil. What is going on? One of the acrobats fell. I'm dying!!!! I don't know what movies Cirque du Soleil has been going to, but this is not what it's like. Ok that's done. Angelina like. George Clooney's girlfriend...not so much. And yes, Billy Crystal is right. This feels a little like a movie themed Bar Mitzvah.
9:28 SOUND MIXING goes to HUGO. 4 for Hugo. This is crazy. Sweeeeep.
9:24 SOUND EDITING goes to HUGO. 3 for Hugo. None for you Gretchen Wieners. Worst pun of the night goes to the Sound editors of Hugo. Is that how you pronounce indefatigable? It sounds offensive. This sound editor is a delight.
9:23 FILM EDITING goes to THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO. Props to Tina Fey on her French accent. She nailed Hazanavicius. This is the Oscar ceremony where everyone gets a little piece of the pie. "Ummm let's get out of here." People are terrified of being played off.
9:22 Time to eat my baked potato (truth: microwaved potato).
9:19 The Christopher Guest crew!!!! I am enjoying this. Elevator faces!
9:18 Yikes slightly insensitive racial joke right after Octavia's win.
9:09 BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS goes to OCTAVIA SPENCER. Reminded of how much Emma Stone looked like a deranged Shirley Temple in The Help. So happy for her. Mostly for making it up the stairs. This room absolutely loves her! First time someone has ever thanked a state. She is overcome. So nervous and having a meltdown. Felt a little bad for her. Hope she gets a do over backstage.
9:06 Sandra pulling out the German. Not content with being America's Sweetheart, she's making a case for Deutschland's Sveethart. FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM goes to THE SEPARATION. He could not be more excited could he? Oh wait he could.
9:00 Another montage, really? First experiences at the movies. Brad Pitt is making this up as he goes. Gargantuan? Tom Cruise is scaring me. Helen Mirren is by far the most entertaining. BABS!
8:56 Getting through the boring ones lickety-split. MAKEUP goes to THE IRON LADY notwithstanding J. Lo's and Cameron Diaz's ill thought out bit. What? I hope they're embarrassed. Meryl Streep is so proud of her boy Dave.
8:55 COSTUME DESIGN goes to THE ARTIST. First Harvey Weinstein shout out. Nicely memorized speech. You can see him digging to remember.
8:52 First montage. 82 to go. This one seems to be a particularly random assortment.
8:44 ART DIRECTION goes to HUGO. Wowsa. Could we actually see a Martin upset over Hazanvisdkzienvuas later? I'm obsessed with the pronunciation of "exceptional." This one's for Italy y'all. Was totally ready for her to yell "GET OUUUUTTT!" a la Maya Rudolph's Donatella. Wait say what? We got the band in the loges. Was that Nick Cannon playing the drums?
8:43 BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY goes to HUGO. So we're not going to get a total artist sweep. He takes the words out of my mouth. Starting with Cinematography? We can only go up from here.
8:42 Oscar seat-filler? How do I apply for this job???
8:38 Music number. And only a small apology beforehand. A whole verse about Jonah's weight loss. Marin Scorsese's daughter is unimpressed. I need subtitles! But yay for a nice crowdpleasing musical run down of the nominees.
8:37 Getting the Kodak dig out of the way early.
8:32 Classic Crystal opening. Montage through all the nominees. Clooney kiss! Justin Bieber! Thinly veiled dig at last year's shameless attempt to attract the 18-24 demo. Bridesmaids! Tom Cruise! Movies that people actually saw but won't win any awards! Nice safe opener.
8:21 The winners' walk. They don't make em like Tom Hanks. Sandy's right. In another life Tom Hanks would be the perfect pre-show host. Actually I bet he would make a pretty good Oscar host. Right? He personifies the best of establishment Hollywood/Academy.
8:20 Nat Po. Confessing to being so nervous it actually chilled her out last year. Stoned on nerves. Where can I get a bottle of Natalie Portman adrenaline? It sounds awesome.
8:16 I like the "rooting for" montage. Reminds us that the nominees are all unabashedly rooting for themselves. As they should.
8:15 Nina continues her Rooney Mara worship. I do agree that Michelle Williams is looking lovely though. Love that Busy is her date.
8:13 Sandra loves Tom Hanks. Least controversial statement of the night. Continuing the Clooney "slightly over it" nonchalance.
8:11 The A list crowd starting to arrive. Clooney. The antithesis of being overwhelmed at the Oscars. So nonchalant. "I've always enjoyed them" spoken with the enthusiasm of having to go to your high school reunion annually.
8:04 Gwyneth Paltrow. Maybe just cause I'm on a Gwyn kick after rewatching Shakespeare in Love for the umpteenth time last night and remembering how unbelievably wonderful she was in it, but I'm back in backlash against the backlash camp. Unabashed Paltrow supporter here. Of course she nailed the lame British slang quiz. Effortlessly perfect.
8:03 Bradley Cooper giving us an awful Christopher Walken impression. Then signals the impending apocalypse: there will be a Hangover 3.
8:02 Robin calling out an overwhelmed Jason Segel. He is star struck!
7:59 Almost there. Quick break to throw something in the microwave.
7:53 Nick Nolte!!!! He has no idea that he owned a crow. He has no idea that he had a psychic pinball machine. He's thinking where is Louise Roe getting her copy. Ah wait, now he remembers.
7:52 Jennifer Lopez. Undeniably still Jenny from the block. As she is so keen to remind us.
7:47 Anyone else put off by Nina Garcia's blatant celeb worship? Star f***er. Take a note from Tim Gunn. Or just take a valium. Either way.
7:45 First count of shameless ABC in house promoting. Manny from Modern Family checkin out all the best picture nominees with his mom. Bravo to his handlers for getting him pointless cameos in both the Muppet movie and the Oscar pre-show.
7:40 Funny ladies! Mellisa McCarthy into Kristen Wiig into purple Tina Fey. Kristen is adorably overwhelmed and speechless. Tina demands musical number from Billy Crystal. Thank god someone coming out unapologetically in favor of the much maligned musical openers. Liz Lemon would be proud.
7:30 Velvet tuxedo sighting! Christopher Plummer sans bosun whistle, but rocking the dirty old man look.
7:28 Viola's hair! I LOVE IT! Like her ditching the weave. Also glad to hear the girls from the Help are still besties. I totally imagine the girls having a weekly bowling night. Sissy Spacek would clearly clean up.
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